Running on empty
Last night I got almost four and a half hours of sleep. That would’ve been a good night, if those hours of sleep had been consecutive. Instead they were broken up into segments ranging from 10 minutes to one 90 minute segment. That just doesn’t work for me. The problem is, it has to work for me because right now, my sleep isn’t going to get much better.
Now that my littlest guy is home from the NICU on his feed tube, the main focus of my life is feeding him. I have to feed him every three hours. Feeding him takes about an hour and a half. We have a little routine, diaper change, outfit change (if necessary), take temperature, heat bottle, attempt bottle feeding for 30 minutes, hook up machine, tube feed for another 30 minutes, rinse machine’s tubing, keep him still for about 15-20 minutes so he doesn’t throw it all up due to reflux. That leaves me about a hour and half before I have to start all this again. In that hour and a half, I have many things that need to get done. I have to pump fresh milk, clean bottles, make fresh bottles, feed my other children, feed myself, get kids to and from school, go to the bathroom, you know, some of the millions of things necessary to keep life going. This doesn’t even leave time for household chores or showers. It is a non-stop job and all of it is done on very little sleep.
I definitely love having my littlest guy home and wouldn’t trade it for any amount of sleep, but I sure would appreciate him learning to eat so we can stop dealing with this whole tube thing. In the meantime, I’m just drinking as much coffee as I can and continuing to keep going, as brain-dead as I am, and I pray things will get easier soon. After all, it has only been a week and I’m totally running on empty already.