survivingmyboyz

tales from a stay-at-home mom of four boys

Archive for the category “Funny things my kids say”

How I met your mother according to a five year old

My husband has been rewatching the tv series How I Met Your Mother. My seven year old has decided that he likes what he has seen of the show and asked if we could watch it tonight. My five year old then turned to his three year old brother and said “Hey, want to know how I met your mother?” My three year old stared blankly at him. My five year old then answers “I popped out of her belly!” Yes, yes you did. He was a c-section.

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Dinosaurs are big

Musings from a four year old.

“Dinosaurs are big.
Dinosaurs have big butts.
And big penises.”

Boys’ Day, a new tradition

The other day a box was delivered to our house and the boys wanted to know what was inside. I was excited because it was a table for the porch that I had wanted. I explained to the boys that it was something for everyone to use, but that it was a late Mother’s Day present for me. My four year old then ask me “when’s it going to be boys’ day?” I asked him what he meant since his speech isn’t always understandable. He then elaborated, “If Sunday was Mother’s Day and you got gifts, when does it get to be Boys’ Day for boys like me to get gifts? I want Skylanders Swap Force for Boys’ Day.” Oh child, I’m pretty sure,in this house, everyday is boys’ day!

A few four year old gems

I’m long over due for some funny things my kids say, so here are a few nuggets from the past months.

My four year old:

“Can we go to the Space Noodle?” (We live outside of Seattle now)

Upon seeing me after I had my last baby, “Your belly got all small and your boobs got all big!”

Looking down my shirt at my massive “new mom” cleavage, “You have a butt on your chest.”

“I want the new baby to come home…so I can fart on him.”

He’s such a sweet boy.

A new meaning to the phrase “standing cheek to cheek”

As my kids stripped naked for baths tonight, I looked over to see my 5 and 3 year old standing bent over, butt to butt. My 5 year old than shouts, “Mom, we just did a butt high-five!”

Conversations with a three year old

“I have no penis, I have boobs. I have no butt.” My three year old son says as he gets dressed.
My husband says “I see your bum.”
“No, that’s not my bum, that’s my boobs!”
Ok then.

Conversation with a 5 year old

The following conversation occurred during our car ride home from school today after my son had been playing outside in the dirt.

“Mom, I need to clean my hands.”
“We will wash our hands as soon as we get home.”
“No, I need to clean them now!”
“Why?”
“I want to pick my nose.”
“Well, picking your nose is dirty and you’d have to wash them again anyway if you pick your nose.”
“But I want to pick my nose and I don’t want to get sand in my nose!”
“Well how about you just not pick your nose because that is gross.”
“No! I want to pick my nose!”
“Why do you want to pick your nose so bad?”
“Because I like to.”
Oh.

Learning the birds and the bees

Warning: TMI possible

 

So tonight I was in the bathroom doing my business with a 10 month old playing by the tub when my almost 3 year old walks in because, well, I’m not allowed to have a moment to myself, so at least 2 of the 3 kids must be present for  any normally private moment in my life.  As I finish up my business, my middle child gets a quizzical yet surprised look on his face and point toward my normally private area.  The following exchange takes place at this time.

What’s that? That peen? (his word for penis)

No, mommies don’t have peens. Mommies have vaginas. Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

Mommy have no peen?

No, mommy is a girl and girls have vaginas. You are a boy, so you have a penis.

(Looking thoughtfully for a second) Mommy have vagina?

That’s right.

(He declares proudly) I have penis.

Yes because you are a boy and boys and girls are different. Girls have vaginas and boobies and boys have penises and no boobies.

(He turns toward his younger brother playing in the bathroom) It have a penis.

That’s right, your brother has a penis because he is a boy.

Daddy have a penis.

Yes, Daddy has a penis.

You have no penis, you have vagina.

That’s right

Then he just walked out of the bathroom happy with is new knowledge.  Hopefully all future sex talks with my children go that smoothly.

A chance of spotty showers

 

Earlier today I was trying to put my two youngest down for a nap when I heard the patio door open and then a few moments later close. A few minutes later, I walked into the living room to see me oldest son sitting on the couch playing on an iPad.

 

 

Me: Did you go out back?

 

Son: No.

 

I look out the back door.

 

Me: Did you pee outback?

 

Son: No.

 

Me: Then why is it wet?

 

Son: Um, it rained a little bit.

 

Me: In just one spot?

 

Son: Yup.

 

 

Somehow I’m not buying this story.

Bottomless pits are hard to fill

My middle child is just a little thing, always has been. He is over 2 1/2 years old but still wears 18 month pants because his waist is so small and he’s so short. Of course, none of this tininess comes from lack of eating. That boy eats all day long and eats almost anything. His favorite food is probably fruit, which, though healthy, keeps him very regular (like 7 plus poops a day regular), which isn’t fun for me. Maybe this is part of how he stays so small while eating so much. Who knows? My husband and I often joke that this kid’s first words out of his mouth in the morning and last words he whispers at night before falling off to sleep are “I want food.” There is some truth to this joke. He usually does hop out of bed in the morning and make a beeline toward the kitchen muttering that he wants food and one of his ploys at night, to try to stay up long, is also to ask for a snack. So the joke isn’t too far from the truth. Today, however, I witnessed a whole new truth to the joke.

My middle son has been taking swim lessons in the morning and they tend to really wear him out, so he often falls asleep on the ride home from the pool. Today he must have been really tired because he slept for almost three full hours, which lasted through lunch. He’d eaten a snack just before he fell asleep, but apparently it wasn’t enough for him. His hunger built all through nap until just before the three hour mark he erupted. One moment my son was this sweet, serene, sleeping angel laying next to me, then next thing I knew, he bolted straight up and screamed “I’m hungry!” I’m not even sure his eyes were open at the time, I think his own screaming might have startled him awake (it certainly startled me). He then began crying, walked toward the kitchen, and cried some more. I began making offers of what he’d like me to make him for lunch, to most of which he just replied with more crying until eventually he was just laying on the floor in tears. When I finally struck upon something that sounded good to him, he passed back out on the floor for a few minutes only to wake again demanding food.

I’ve never witnessed anyone wake up this way before. It does have me wondering if my son dreams about food in his sleep. Whatever he dreams of, I guess I can now honestly say that my son is hungry so often that he literally wakes up yelling for food. I just hope this doesn’t translate to eating or food issues later in life.

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