Dinner last night:
“No more practicing stealth ninja moves at the dinner table!”
My two oldest sons bonded tonight by jointly desecrating their bathroom which we had just spent good money to have cleaned. They both went to bed without any stories or cuddles; two sad boys. When my husband asked my almost five year old if he would ever do what he did again, the response was “no.” I’m not sure that means he learned his lesson though because when my husband asked him if he knew why it was wrong to poop on the bathroom floor the response was also “no.” I guess I should just be happy that they are bonding.
“Get that hose head off your penis! You’re going to hurt yourself.” to my two and a half year old while he played in the baby pool.
“Stop rubbing your penis with the baby’s foot!” to my four and a half year old who was suppose to be getting dressed but was abusing himself with my six month old’s foot.
“Put some clothes on!” a constant being yelled in my house at both boys, and occasionally their father.
Me: “Take that light saber out of your butt!”
Five minutes later, “Stop hitting yourself in the nuts with that (toy) hammer!”
Ten minutes late, Daddy: “Don’t put that clothes hanger in your butt! We don’t put things in our butts!”
Four year olds are funny.
“Stop peeing on your brother. Oh no, don’t pee in his face!” I heard myself udder these words last third of July after enjoying a dip in my in-laws’ pool. My oldest son had stayed in the pool a little longer with his grandfather while I got out and dressed my now middle child. I’d stripped him naked in the backyard and laid his bathing suit out to dry on the patio and then diapered him. Before I could fully clothe him, my oldest son got out of the pool, stripped down, and began to pee into the pool. His grandfather jokingly said “don’t pee in my pool, pee on your brother.” Apparently Grandpa had not spend enough time with preschool aged children to understand that they don’t get jokes like this and take everything seriously. So of course, my then 3 year old decided that this was indeed a rare opportunity in which he was actually being invited to pee on his younger brother. When was he going to get a chance like this again? Before I could admonish his grandfather and warn him of what might happen if he says things like that, my son had accepted the invitation and was peeing on his brother. First just on his feet and legs, but he quickly managed to raise the spray of pee up to his little brother’s head who responded by turning around and getting sprayed straight in the face. I’m sure that day will be recalled for many fourth (or third) of Julys to come.